BREAKING NEWS: Person Not Running For President Guilty Of Crimes No One Cares About

Meanwhile, the current GOP nominee for President is a criminal convict.

Sound the alarm, folks!

Hunter Biden, the son of President Joe Biden, was found guilty by a jury of his peers on all three felony counts for lying on a federal firearms application in 2018 while he was battling a serious drug addiction. 

Miraculously, the GOP which has routinely mocked law enforcement and the judiciary as arms of the nefarious deep state, now celebrates justice and accountability. It reminds me of their obsessive concern over Hillary Clinton’s emails and the Benghazi hearings leading up to the 2016 election. Like before, they seem to be experiencing a profound appreciation for rules and laws before the 2024 election. 

I guess no one is above the law. Well, except Daniel Perry who was pardoned by Texas Governor Greg Abbott after being convicted by a jury of his peers for killing a Black Lives Matter protestor in 2020. The party of “law and order” naturally has to make certain exceptions for violent individuals and insurrectionists who advance their agenda of white supremacy and minority rule. 

This means they also have to give a giant hall pass to Donald Trump, the twice impeached golden calf of MAGA who was just convicted on 34 felony counts by a jury of his peers, but nonetheless still keeps the entirety of the GOP as mewling masochists under his tiny thumbs as he waddles his way through another unhinged rally, this time in Nevada, where he spewed verbal diarrhea about sharks, boats, and avoiding electrocution. (Totally normal, folks. Nothing to see here. Move along now. Please avoid being electrocuted.)

A reminder that Trump, who is the GOP nominee for President and whom a majority of Republican voters trust more than their family, clergy and conservative media, has three more criminal trials in addition to his criminal conviction and being held liable for rape, defamation, and fraud. 

It’s good to be the MAGA king.

My recommendation for Democrats is to lean in and accept Hunter Biden’s guilty verdict. President Biden should say, “No is above the law - including my own son,” and reiterate that elected officials should not interfere with an independent criminal justice system. Furthermore, Biden can flex his trademark empathy card and talk about helping family members who suffer from drug addiction. This will strike a major chord with millions of Americans who will empathize with President Biden’s family who has managed to embrace and love Hunter, despite his many failings and past mistakes, and help him recover.

Compare that to the trademark apathy and cruelty of Donald Trump who would rather pose for photos at a UFC event than spend time with his grandson. 

Whenever the GOP makes the mistake of bringing up Hunter Biden’s conviction, Democrats should always pivot to Trump’s conviction and pending criminal cases and remind people the latter is running to be the most powerful person on Earth.

Finally, Democrats should invite Republicans to join them in favor of gun control and background checks considering they’ve taken a newfound interest in prosecuting individuals who lie on their federal gun applications. Ask them why they’re celebrating this conviction even as they’re trying to make it easier for domestic abusers to keep their guns.

It seems that even some of the worst GOP representatives understand this conviction is a self-created pitfall for Republicans. “The Hunter Biden conviction is kinda dumb tbh,” tweeted Rep. Matt Gaetz of Florida. Rep. Thomas Massie of Kentucky added, “There are millions of marijuana users who own guns in this country, and none of them should be in jail for purchasing or possessing a firearm against current laws.”

They seem to echo the majority of voters who think Hunter Biden’s problems are unrelated to his father and understand this ridiculous case will have little to no impact on the election.

Do you know what will impact voters?

A convicted former President running for office who echoes Hitler’s language, dines with a white Supremacist, promises to be a “dictator for a day,” and rants incoherently about avoiding sharks and electrocution.