Inside the GOP’s Strategy to Attack Kamala Harris (A Parody...I think)
We received the leaked transcript of a Sunday night Zoom meeting held by the RNC and its allies to strategize a coordinated attack on Vice President Kamala Harris.
(Video: Michael Cadenhead/The Washington Post)
We received the leaked transcript of a Sunday night Zoom meeting held by the RNC and its allies to strategize a coordinated attack on Vice President Kamala Harris after President Biden announced he won’t seek re-election.
President Trump was too busy watching Silence of the Lambs, but thankfully notable conservative personalities and dutiful Reeks attended to fight on behalf of their once and future king.
Disgraced TV host Tucker Carlson kicked off the proceedings
Tucker: Velkommen kamaeraden! Well, it seems the godless libs and their army of gay woke soldiers couldn’t wait to destroy our United Reich. Old man Biden is apparently out. He apparently has (in air quotation marks) “Covid” - HA! - yeah right. (Obnoxious, braying laughter.) Anyway, he’s not running again or he’s dead - whatever. Now we have this Black Indian named Kamala, Kameela, Karma, Kit Kat..
Matt Gaetz: I think it’s Kah-MAH-LAH -
Tucker: We can’t hear you, Matt.
Matt: Sorry, it’s the Botox and fillers. They puffed me up a bit for the RNC. I think the stress is on the MAH…
David Perdue: “Ka-MAL-a, Ka-MAL-a or Kamala, Kamala, Ka-mala, -mala, -mala, I don’t know, whatever.”
Tucker: Jesus, who gave David an invite? You lost us the Senate seat in Georgia to that Jewish Ossoff. Get out of here.
(David is kicked off)
Stephen Miller: (Shrieking, hysterical voice) “They had a primary!...They just woke up and said, “Never mind!” We’re cancelling the entire primary. We’re getting rid of our candidate!!” This is outrageous! And now we have to see this Indian woman replacing a white man! After this RNC, I’ve seen enough Indian women for my lifetime.
Harmeet Dhillon: Stephen, as the head of the RNC, I take offense to that!
Stephen: I’m not talking about you, Harmeet. You’re one of the good ones. Although we could’ve done without your Hindu prayer at the RNC.
Harmeet: Sikh prayer -
Stephen: You know what I mean! Either way, the Dems are replacing their candidate! They are replacing the primary! They are replacing white babies! This is genocide!
Nikki Haley: If you need a good Sikh Indian American woman, I’m always here.
Vivek Ramaswamy: Better yet, if you need a Hindu Indian Man, or Sikh Indian Man, or Muslim Pakistani Man, or Catholic Sri Lankan Man, I mean, really, whatever you want me to be, I’ll be it for you.
Sean Hannity: Thank you for your service, Mexicans, but I do think we have to cut back on the racism. Tucker, why don’t you take a seat and let the rest of us who still have shows at FOX take over, OK?
Tucker: I didn’t see you speaking at the RNC. Did I, Sean?
Sean: I was busy hosting my show!
Tucker: Pre-recorded show!
Sean: Anyway, I think mocking this Indian woman’s name is too 2008.
Harmeet: Are you talking about me?
Sean: No, I was talking about Kah-MAH-lah, Nikki, not you.
Harmeet: I’m Harmeet.
Sean: Anyway, the world has gone too woke now and they’ll accuse us of being (air quotes) “racist” if we mock her name. I think the better angle is to attack her laughter. Have you seen her laugh? What’s up with her laughing out loud and showing, you know, joy? That’s some weird shit. It makes me uncomfortable to see women laugh out loud. My wife has never laughed in my presence. I’ve also never seen Trump laugh out loud and that assures me that he is a man of strength, potency and virility.
Ronny Jackson: Donald Trump is the “kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life.” He is also the most masculine, strong, potent, healthy, and fit man I’ve ever treated. His ear deflected a bullet from an AR-15. I know because I treated him after the assassination attempt.
JD Vance: We thank you for your service, Ronny. It’s truly God’s miracle that the bullet didn’t hit our beloved leader Donald Trump. (JD Vance curses under his breath and shakes his fist in rage.) I think we shouldn’t go with the “anti laugh” angle. Indian women like to laugh. I should know because I married one. A good one. She laughs a lot. Usually when she sees me holding a gun or pretending to act tough, but I digress. We should instead attack Kamala for being a “childless cat lady” who is “misrable” with her life because she didn’t have children. That means she doesn’t have “a direct stake” in America.
Nikki: Respectfully, JD, I think that’s a bit cruel to cats. People love cats in this country. And there’s a lot of women. And there are women who have cats. So, that’ll be offensive to a lot of people. Also, some women don’t have children, and they seem happy. So, perhaps it's best not to shame them.
Laura Loomer: I think it’s perfectly fine to slut shame!
(Everyone grumbles and asks who let Loomer in)
Tucker: But, Laura, you don’t have any kids.
Loomer: I’m waiting to be a vessel for Donald Trump.
Tucker: I don’t disagree with your approach. I’ve referred to Ka-MAH-luh as "Willie Brown's girlfriend... a person with no adult skills, a person who can't figure out how to pronounce her own first name." But, of course, because I’m a man, these feminists will call me (air quotes) “a misogynist.”
Megyn Kelly: Sorry for being late, y’all, but good timing. This is why you need women like me and Laura to double down on smearing Kamala. They can’t accuse us of being misogynists. We’ll call her a slut without using the word. I can post, “She actually did sleep her way into and upwards in California politics and most women (and men) may learn that and see it for what it is: evidence of an unqualified political aspirant getting ahead based on smthg other than merit. It’s relevant, and fair game.”
Stephen Miller: Sounds like the CV of a DEI Hire.
Tucker: Guys, I think we should just follow Donald’s lead. He told me Kamala “seems pretty senile. She speaks in rhyme.” But, considering he’s 78 and keeps ranting about Hannibal Lecter, sharks, and mistakes people’s names, I think this will just backfire and open him up to attacks.
Tom Fitton: Hey folks, Tom here of Judicial Watch. Listen, if it ain’t broke, why not use it? Let’s remake Birthergate. Just update it for 2024. I have an idea: “Is Kamala Harris ineligible to be President under the U.S. Constitution’s Citizenship Clause?” I mean her parents are immigrants. One is brown, the other is Black. Kamala is funny sounding to some like Barack Obama. It worked pretty well last time. Why not give it a go?
Tucker: Great ideas and great initiative, folks. OK, let’s unleash all of it on Monday. We’ll mock her name, mock her laugh, be super sexist, and make gross allegations and try to shame her. Finally, we’ll top it off with racism and conspiracy theories. All in favor say, “JA!”
Everyone: JA!
Mockery is a woefully underutilized strategy in the anti-fascist playbook, so kudos!
They HATE being laughed at, so we need to do more of it. It doesn't mean we're letting our guard down or taking them less seriously.
It means we see them for the pathetic creatures they are - little boys dressed in a big man's shirt.
This is unbelievable the lengths they will go to mock someone -they are very shallow human beings and showing they really are. . It’s disgusting not one bit funny if you were on the end of that attack.