Who's Your Daddy, MAGA?

MAGA now has to choose between two new daddies who are equally vengeful and willing to dispense violent, public spankings to any Republican who doesn't bend to their whims.

God works in mysterious ways. MAGA, which is notoriously homophobic and obsessed with traditional families, now has two dads.

Donald Trump, the oldest person to be ever elected President, seems to have lost his stamina and vigor this time around and is content outsourcing the Presidency to the broligarchy as he eats cheap burgers and tweets from Mar-a-Lago. The White House is his ATM and it’s all quid pro quo from here on out as long he gets paid with money and compliments. J.D. Vance, his Vice President, was expected to step up and lead as shadow President, but he’s been MIA since the election and needs to be put on a milk carton.

Republicans, who currently control the House, desperately need leadership and talking points from a paternal master so they can avoid being threatened, bullied, or potentially assassinated by their increasingly unhinged and violent MAGA base. Rep. Mike Johnson, House leader, decided to step up and act like a responsible adult and usher forth a bipartisan spending bill to avoid yet another government shutdown. Unfortunately, he failed to realize that he answers to a new alpha daddy now: President Elon Musk. The son of rich South Africans fired numerous tweets at 4:15 am on Wednesday demanding Republicans nuke the spending deal.

Trump was roused from his slumber and followed Musk’s lead even though he seemed perfectly fine with this bill on Tuesday. Both Musk and Trump targeted fellow Republicans, such as MAGA stalwart Chip Roy, and threatened them to get in line or else face the rod. Well, 38 Republicans decided to be disobedient to their two new daddies and the government is now on the verge of shutting down. It seems the face-eating leopard party has developed a taste for cannibalism. In these moments of rare GOP fratricide, Democrats finally made the right move by stepping aside, eating their popcorn, and saying out loud: “Let them fight.”

However, the bigger story here is the richest man on Earth and his rogue gallery of billionaires are openly and publicly dictating policy like a Godfather playing with his marionette puppets. They are fine receiving government subsidies but hate government spending. What they really want is de-regulation and tax cuts which they’ll achieve by raiding our pensions and social services like Social Security. Historically, each time a Republican president has openly gone after Social Security, the public has turned on them.

Well, who am I to stop a self-destructive clown car on fire headed 100 miles per hour into a brick wall? Trump hasn’t even taken office yet and the chaos has begun. A plurality of Americans voted for this and they’re quickly realizing we’re already in the FAFO moment of the story.

In this week’s episode of Democracy-ish, Danielle and I break down the dangers of Musk’s interference in our American politics while also roasting our halal marshmallows on the fiery train wreck that is the modern GOP. The unanswered question is when will a majority of Americans realize they’re being played by the 1% whose bipartisan investment in both political parties ensures they can continue stealing from the rest of us?

Give us a listen and let us know your thoughts.